Shadows of the Heart
by Fallingfrost
Summary: Blueshadow and Shatteredshade have been harboring a deadly secret since their apprenticeship. Will it tear them apart or bring them closer together? How far will they go for love?


_Why her? Why do I get the never-ending darkness and shadows while she gets sunlight and warmth? The Stars are never fair, all I did was love him… more than she ever could. I just used the chance to make him see that, and I knew him better than she ever could know. She never knew sadness the way we both did, and that drew us closer, me and him with his eyes the color of the sky. She never suffered or was miserable, and never knew the pain we had endured. I was the one he should have loved, the one who was always there and kept his secrets close to my heart. He once told me that if she knew all the bad things he had done that she would look down on him. That much was true, she had a bad habit of that. Looking down on those who had done wrong. I never did that to him: I never dreamed of it. Why couldn't he see that? I loved him. I loved him. I loved him. All I did was for love. Was that wrong?_

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Blueshadow paused to lap at the fresh scar on her shoulder, orange amber eyes glowing in delight as she dug up what was left of her prey. The small grey mouse wouldn't feed many mouths in Echoclan, but then again this wasn't a hunting patrol anyway. Just a simple pair of friends hunting the afternoon away to get away from bustle and loudness of camp. He had always hated the nosiness of the camp and Blueshadow hated the pointed the looks her clanmates gave her, their judging stares and perturbed gazes.

"That's all you caught? I thought you claimed to be the best hunter in the clan." A muffled voice purred delightfully, which had Blueshadow turning around in her place. Ears flattened against her black furred head she blinked thoughtfully and flicked her tail playfully. A broad-shouldered tom with dark amber fur that had darker almost mud colored stripes, and bright blue eyes that reminded Blueshadow of the crystal cool water that selective Echoclan cats swam through like birds flew the sky. She was one of those chosen few, born with webbed paws like he was.

Shatteredshade and Blueshadow had been close as littermates for moons, best friends even as kit that tumbled around in the nursery in the shadows. He had been an only kit born to a mother who despised being mates with a tom who loved her more than she could ever love him. Blueshadow on the other hand had been born to a loving mother named Tawnycloud while her father, Darkstag, had died in battle with Slateclan a few moons after her kitting. All Blueshadow could remember of him was that Tawnycloud had explained to her as a kit that Darkstag died as he lived, battle hungry and blood thirsty.

"I'm terrible at hunting on land, Shatteredshade." Blueshadow purred nodding thoughtfully at his squirrel that he dropped at her paws with a chuckle of flourish. The bumbling of the brook had her glancing across the water of the now trickling stream, and Shatteredshade flattened his ears against his bright skull as he noticed their surroundings. This Bright cool stream that was barely a paw deep was where they had gotten in trouble a few moons into their apprenticeship, and now they were hardly a tail length away from it. "It's been six moons since then. Best forget about it and let the bad memories lie." Blueshadow padded comfortingly close to him, close enough to touch, a whiskers length from his broad shoulder.

This was the place Shatteredshade had gotten into a fight with another apprentice, the leader's son from Slateclan. Shatteredshade had caught the white and grey apprentice named Blizzardpaw stealing prey and challenged him to a fight over the prey. Blueshadow had been with them, watching interestedly and didn't even bother to talk the ginger tom out of the fight. Yet she remembered how Blizzardpaw's face had grew scarlet as Shatteredshade attacked him, and the shriek of him dying as Shatteredshade sunk his teeth into his throat. Blueshadow had stood as still as stone as Shatteredshade stood in shock, muzzle dripping with red onto the green forest floor, his bright eyes as dark as the rolling waters of the waterfall.

It had been her that had led him to the stream, smoothing his ruffled fur and convincing him to stand in the icy water to clean his amber paws in the stream. Blueshadow had been the one that had drug Blizzardpaw to the border across the water, and lead the silent Shatteredshade to the camp and promised not to tell if they both lived. That night Shatteredshade had breathed into her ear in the middle of the night; the sweet scent of pines that clung to him like a second layer of fur in her nostrils, saying that she was the best friend he could ever wish to have.

"I know. What do you think Spottedbrook would think if she knew?" Shatteredshade finally said as they were walking back to camp. Blueshadow flattened her ears onto her black patched pelt, the blue-grey underbelly and legs wet with moisture from the mist of the morning. "Why would you care?" She asked lightly around her mouse, glancing up at the green leaves that fluttered on the trees above. "She's too busy being perfect." Blueshadow's black tail twitched slightly, and her orange eyes narrowed. "Don't be like that."

Spottedbrook, the joy of Echoclan, the perfect cat at everything. She was pretty, sweet and shy. Spottedbrook's pale blue eyes were judgmental and she didn't hesitate to let another cat know that they were doing wrong, but in such a passive way that made Blueshadow's stomach roll. She had everything that the both were denied, loving parents, skill and love of their clanmates. Many times, Blueshadow had been tempted to rake her snow- white claws the soft light tabby fur of Spottedbrook when the she-cat had reprimanded her for something small. Spottedbrook had never suffered.

"I like her, more than a friend. For as smart as you are, Blueshadow, you aren't very observant." Shatteredshade teased, a head taller than her. His bright orange tabby tail brushed over her muzzle playfully before whisking away. He blinked back fondly at her, a dopey smile on his face. "It's okay though, you haven't been around much. Training hard though?" He nodded to the fresh cut on her shoulder.

It felt as if Blueshadow had been submerged in icy water in the middle of leaf bare. She couldn't breathe and her head began to spin. What about all those walks she and Shattershade had taken together? Nearly every other sunrise they had snuck out for a walk together, just chatting about nothing in general. Digging her claws into the dirt, staining her paws. "Y-yeah I have. Mousefang's been helping." She stammered, the clawmark stinging as if it had been fresh made. "You know, training for battle. Are you planning on telling her?" Blueshadow blinked as if to qualm the sickness rising her throat with bile, biting at her soft neck. White teeth gritted against each other around the flesh of the mouse.

Shatteredshade shook his head furiously, panic lighting his gaze. Fur along his spine bristled, his eyes meeting hers. "No! That would ruin everything." He glanced back to the entrance padding though and Blueshadow forced her paws to follow him, but every step filled like it was filled with stone as if her paws had been replaced. In a daze, Blueshadow padded to a shady spot by the warriors' den. With a purr a light brown tabby with a white muzzle and chest with thick fur cheerfully padded out of the den making the ivy rustle. Spottedbrook nuzzled Shatteredshade happily, before they retired to a bright spot to chat.

A soft grey she-cat with a light brown belly settled beside Blueshadow, lapping at her ear. Mousefang's yellow eyes were worried, and she twined her thin tail with Blueshadow's whose hung limp next to her. Mousefang had always been a loyal friend to the both of them, and had stuck by Blueshadow when the clan had found out that Darkstag had killed two Slateclan cats in cold blood.

Mousefang's eyes followed across the camp, settling on the dark ginger tom. "If he doesn't love you that's his problem." She said reassuringly, blinking cheerfully at Blueshadow, who didn't reply. Blueshadow's head rested on her paws, eyes closing. Inside her chest it felt like her heart was shattering. Her body was empty and it was being filled with cold snow. She felt numb. "You're going to be fine." Mousefang muttered. "You've bounced back from worse."

Mousefang sat by her friend, who remained silent. "I'm going to sleep. Don't wake me for anything." Blueshadow finally stated, rising to her paws suddenly. With a sigh of relief, Mousefang nodded, worry still etched across her grey furred face. "I'll tell them that you ate a bad mouse. That's what friends are for right?" Mousefang purred, nudging her friend to the ivy laced entrance. "You just need to sleep it off." Blueshadow faked a smile, orange eyes cold and empty. "Of course!" Blueshadow said fidgetily as she slipped into the den. Dark shadows were comforting and she slipped into her nest, sighing. Sleep was a warm embrace, calm and sweet, and Blueshadow gave herself over to it.

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Snapping her orange eyes open, Blueshadow gripped the slimy soil in between her toes. The black soil stained her paws a dark dirty brown, and the stench of rotting things wrinkled her nose. Soft blue-green light was emitted from fungus which clung tightly to the towering dark trees. Mist coated the clearing between the trees, choking Blueshadow as she coughed wetly.

"You haven't been her before, sweetheart." She spun around tightly, her fur bristling as she coughed up a ball of mucus. A large raven black tom with inverted bright orange eyes, sat on slick root a few mouse lengths away from her. His bushy tail flicked smugly back and forth like a snake. Blue shadows seemed to writhe in his feather-like fur. Startling white against his black face a scar crossed his right eye, like a worm.

Darkstag had appeared to his daughter many times before, training her in the shadows of the territory he use to roam. Her orange eyes flicked down to the fresh claw mark he had given her the day before for missing a battle move he had taught her before she had even left the nursery. A stupid mistake and one that wouldn't happen again.

"You've grown fond of that tom, haven't you? My little she-kit is all grown up!" Darkstag lept off the roots, before padding around his daughter so close that their fur brushed. He purred, winking slyly as he stood a good head taller than her. "Tawnycloud is going to be so upset! Our bundle is so big and strong like her father. Brave too." He crowed and Blueshadow winced at the mention of her sand colored mother with black stripes.

"He has Spottedbrook!" Blueshadow snapped. Darkstag looked at her with interest, flicking his long whiskers. "The perfect little she-cat? Sparrowstripe and Willowfeather's daughter?" Blueshadow nodded, teeth gritting. Her fur bristled and Darkstag placed a firm lick on his daughter's head. He paused thoughtfully, and smiled. "Well, if it makes you feel any better she doesn't have near the skills you have in anything. She can't swim, and is hardly useful like you are, my sweet." His tail flicked under her chin. Darkstag's fur seemed to bristle at the thought, and his bright pumpkin eyes illuminated the floor of the forest.

"Just get her out of the way for a bit. Shatteredshade is destined to be with you, if that makes you feel any better." Darkstar purred soothingly into his kit's ear. Chilliness creeped into the warmth of Blueshadow's fur and the ice bit at her paws. "I wouldn't lie to you." Blueshadow nodded as he placed an icy lick onto her cheek. "You're a resourceful one, I'm so sure that you'll figure out what to do." His cold breath stirred her ear fur. Flattening her ears tightly against her skull, her eyes snapped shut and the coldness of the woods was replaced with dawn light filtering into the den.

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Silent as a fish in the stream that bubbled by a black and light grey-blue cat wove as quick as a minnow through the undergrowth; dodging brambles and briars that would tug out chunks of fur. Her eyes flashed in the shadows like two glowing suns at dawn, bright orange, fiery, and golden. The roar of the waterfall drove all other sound away, perfect for quiet conversations.

In her mind there was only the pursuit of prey, driving her toward this spot. For the good of the clan, it echoed in her ears like the thundering crash of the river that smacked heavily onto the rocks below. Wind tugged at her fur, bitter, cold and scentless in her nose. Creeping low to the ground the silent she-cat sneaked toward the edge of the waterfall where the rocks were the slickest with water and green moss.

All apprentices of Echoclan had been taught to avoid these rocks if they didn't know how to swim and only mostly full-grown cats could fish by them for the fear of slipping on the rocks a tree-length below could seriously harm a cat, if the cat wasn't properly trained. Gazing down the waterfall was a slender light brown tabby with delicate stripes, white paws, and chest. That she-cat's blue eyes matched the cool water, swirling and crashing with a roar around them.

She turned as the black and blue-grey cat approached, flicking her tail around her paws in greeting. "Blueshadow? I can't say that I expected to see you here." Spottedbrook replied cheerfully. Blueshadow's orange eyes narrowed, standing next to her and flicked her black tail in response. "Shatteredshade? I'm surprised at you, Spottedbrook." Blueshadow snapped back, a black ear twitching in anger. Gritting her white teeth, Blueshadow stood a whisker-length away from the brown tabby.

A confused expression took over Spottedbrook's face, and tilting her head slightly to the other cat. "What? He's a nice tom and loyal too." Blueshadow let out a snarling chuckle, ears flat against her ebony fur. Spottedbrook's eyes were filled with an unknown emotion, one Blueshadow couldn't place. "You don't really know do you? He killed Blizzardpaw all those moons ago. So much for your nice, sweet, caring tom, huh?" Spottedbrook's eyes filled with disbelief and anger, and she rose to her paws with her fur bristling. A smug smirk crossed Blueshadow's lips, dancing with joy.

"He wouldn't! Every cat knows Blizzardpaw was mauled to death by a passing fox, Blueshadow." Spottedbrook defended, taking a step closer to her rival. Blueshadow snorted loudly, her tail gently touching under the tabby's chin. "I'm not surprised he didn't tell you." Her amber eyes met the blue ones and she was filled with rage.

Spottedbrook let out a fearsome hiss, and Blueshadow swiped a heavy paw across her muzzle quick as a flash. Throwing her weight at Spottedbrook; Blueshadow dug her hind claws into the moss as deep as they would go. Suddenly the air around her was light, and the weight Blueshadow had been pushing herself against was gone. Cold as if something had disappeared from existence or had never been there to begin with.

Blueshadow knew better to look over the waterfall, and mist had washed the scent from her fur. Gently she trekked down the side of the waterfall, careful to avoid any mud spots or wet sand where her prints could sink into the soft ground. Coldness crept into her fur, chilling her skin against the roaring water. A sodden bundle of tabby fur lay a tree-length down the stream pinned between two rocks, and the scrap of paws on the stone had the she-cat slightly stirring, cracking open her eye and then closing it almost in defeat. Blue sky hidden underneath the mud of the river never to open again.

"Once he had you, Spottedbrook, you fell for his lies. Lucky for me, he never lied to me or he knew his precious lie would come crashing down." Blueshadow's tail-tip rested gentle against the wheezing cat's cheek, as wet and as cold as a worm. Spottedbrook had enough energy to twist her features into disgust, her breathing shallow and quick. "He couldn't have that. Once he had you he had all he needed." She paused whisking her tail away. With a light paw Blueshadow placed the top of Spottedbrook's head; hissing softly to the pretty she-cat. "Everything was based on a lie." Spottedbrook coughed loudly, red foam on her lips. Her blue eyes opened once more, gazing like the soft blue dew that clung to blades of grass.

"No Blueshadow, everything from here until the day you die will be based on a lie!" She wheezed as the heavy paw shoved her underneath the cool water. The sky was swallowed beneath the mud before it faded into warmth as calm and as soft as the gentle lapping of a mother's tongue on her kit.

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Blueshadow padded cheerfully around her kits, Flailstorm and Berrywing. Berrywing fluffed her black fur, the white flash on her nose, paws and belly gleaming like snow falling at night. Shatteredshade wove around his newly made warrior son, purring loudly as the other cats cheered the cats' names. Flailstorm snorted loudly as his father flicked him under his chin, his pale leaf green eyes gleaming. His dark ginger fur was broken up by black tabby stripes that flowed down his spine like water, and his tail was black as pitch.

Shatteredshade's praise for his daughter was louder with his deep purring. "Berrywing is a beautiful name, and it suits you so well." Blueshadow's mind flicked back moons ago, when she was an apprentice hearing praise for Spottedbrook's beautiful name. Her mind hadn't drifted back to that waterfall since the night that Sandstar had drug her corpse back to camp and all the cats had mourned her, and how oddly Mousefang had commented on Blueshadow's eyes.

They had been cold, the grey she-cat had said, as ice frozen over. Mousefang had mentored her sweet little Berrywing, who was bouncing excitedly around her mother who gave a soft half smile. "You deserved it. You as well, Flailstorm. There is no better fighter in Echoclan than you." A knowing look passed between mother and son, filled with knowledge and secrets to never be spoken in the light of day or the dark of night. Flailstorm nodded, his long tail flicking back and forth slowly like a black snake. "It's convenient that he names us warriors before we battle with Slateclan tomorrow. That way if we die I'll at least have my name." He mewed disgruntledly as his father rasped his son on his head briskly. Blueshadow buried her face in Berrywing's fur hoping to drown out the memories of a soaking brown tabby cat.

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The first thing Blueshadow was aware of was the cold. Coldness had burrowed into her soul, ice filling the empty chest cavity where her warmth had been. The second was that she was standing over a pool of night black liquid, and her eyes were black with slivers of orange where her pupils had been. "It gets easier, sweetheart. Especially when you learn to hide it." Darkstag hadn't appeared to his daughter for seasons. Not since that night…. His fur brushed hers, as he placed a paw in the water and it swirled revealing Berrywing and Flailstorm burying their noses into her fur as she sat motionless in the clearing of the camp.

"This isn't the Pathway of Endless Stars, is it?" She mewed briskly, turning to consider her father's gaze. He shrugged, swiping a pale pink tongue around his jaws. "It isn't." He replied curtly, leading her away from the pool as the trees got thinner and light turned them grey. Threes faded into sunlight here, and she could see a ginger tabby tom with the sky-blue eyes that she had missed every day since he had passed away moons ago during a bout of greencough. "Someone wants to see you. Very much I might add." His voice was soft and dangerous.

Suddenly Darkstag wasn't beside her and Blueshadow stood on this border of light and dark, tail twitching slowly back and forth. Her heart had longed for this day, and it felt like her paws could soar over to him. Shatteredshade's blue eyes were filled with stars and his fur sparkled like the night sky; but no smile crossed his jaws like hers did.

As she took a step toward him, Shatteredshade hissed and Blueshadow blinked in confusion. "Don't step any closer, Blueshadow." His voice sounded like ice scraping against a rock. Placing a paw closer, the smile drifted off her face. "You killed Spottedbrook!" Blueshadow's ears flicked down to skull as she sat back on her haunches, tail wrapping around her paws neatly. Shatteredshade let out a growl as deep as thunder and Blueshadow winced.

"I-I tried to do what I thought was—" Blueshadow stammered as she was caught off guard by another growl. His fur bristled and glowed like the sun, bright and terrible to look at. "Shut up!" He warned his tail bushed out like a snake. Shattershade's blue eyes were like chips of frozen sky, endless and as cold as the deep blue ice. "You thought it was right to kill her? Even after you knew I liked her?" He snapped, white teeth glistening like icicles.

Blueshadow met his gaze evenly, pain lighting the blackness with flecks of orange like fireflies in the night. "I couldn't bear to lose you! Not to her." Her voice trailed off, and Blueshadow's mind stammered around the words she couldn't speak _._

 _Because she was better than me, in every shape, form, and way a cat could imagine. Spottedbrook had never suffered the way we did, back then or ever. She had the love of our clanmates… something we only dreamed about. Then you pick her over me, and you were the only the thing I had. Tawnycloud didn't really care because when she saw me, she saw Darkstag the cat who loved her and betrayed her. Shattershade don't you understand? I did it for us. We were always meant to be together, and I was the one who truly understood you. She never could. Not like I did. I love you so much, and couldn't bear to be without you._

Shattershade let out a growl, turning away. "Stay there, Blueshadow, because you deserve to rot in that place of shadows." He lashed his tail disappearing into the bright trees. Wind howled in Blueshadow's ears as the shadows swirled around her. Her heart ached, splitting in two and being filled with snow and darkness. Gritting her teeth Blueshadow gazed up at the grey sky, digging her paws into the slimy soil, claws bleeding black. "I did it because I love you, Shattershade! I'm being punished for love!" She yowled at him, the shriek sounding like the crash of ice against rock. Darkness over took her vision as Blueshadow padded into the trees of night, off to search for a distinctive pelt of fire and night.

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End file.
